Poem update (finally)

Friends and family,

I wanted to post this to share with you about a process I have started that is changing and challenging me profoundly. Because I love you and am learning to know that I am loved. Because I want to be a resource to fellow adoptees with the hope that I can grow and help others grow. Because it gets me off my proverbial ass and forces me to engage those uncomfortable corners of myself. I just ask please respect my distance and silence on this topic as sometimes it is difficult to talk about.

Here’s a blog update in the form of a poem…finally!

 

 

Reasons I can’t just email Holt and ask to start my birth search already

 

the sink is full of dishes

I have been in this bed for 4 days and not typed a word

I never finish things

some poems are not finished until you grow

I want control and don’t think I will have it

we are born into an absence of control

and learn how to live it

a baby box in Seoul is heated to an optimal temperature and has instructions written on the door

I can’t look at barcodes at the grocery store the same way anymore

they asked me to pay $50 dollars for my papers

they asked my parents to pay money for my paperwork

this money went somewhere

is

going somewhere

a president’s father oversaw the greatest period of economic growth in Korea’s history

and the greatest number of adoptions

his daughter tells us to speak of history as if it were a distant thing

 

my relationships end because I’m emotionally distant

I remember learning the word love in Korean, a book on a shelf too high to reach

 

Korea and America: lawmakers clamor for my body

I will make my own country

it will not exist on land, I know what countries did to be founded on land

it will exist in the search, those searching, those searched for

 

what if we were all born searching

and knew it

 

what if I threw my everything at her

and received only “welcome home”

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3 Responses to Poem update (finally)

  1. wholeistic says:

    Beautiful poem Matt, absence of control, and emotionally distant resonates highly with me. Continue with your poetry, its good. There are open mic nights here in Seoul, you should move to Seoul!

  2. soblesse says:

    Thank you so much! I’ll try to hit up an open mic next time I’m in Seoul. Haven’t read in a while so I’m a little nervous, but its those good kinda nerves

  3. Sarah says:

    What if I threw my everything at her/And received only “welcome home”

    Yes, yes, yes. This line hit me so hard.

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